Do you ever catch yourself daydreaming? What do you daydream about? Think about that for a moment. What IS it that you dream about? I've always thought of a daydream as somewhat of a distraction, however I've realized this week that something that I've played over and over in my mind for many years was so worth it and that visualization was very instrumental in bringing my daydream to reality.
Throughout my journey of one transition after another I was left with the feeling of being no better off than where I started - or in some cases, worse. From career changes, to health set backs it seemed that perhaps I had not made the best decisions. There were seasons of feast, where fortunately we were able to give each of our girls beautiful weddings of their dreams and our newborn son a beautiful nursery and time off to spend all the time I wanted with him with no worries of finances. And then there were seasons of famine, where I literally couldn't sleep for worry and would find myself wandering downstairs to crunch numbers in the middle of the night. It was in those times when I would find myself stretched out across the floor sobbing and pleading for God's intervention. I always knew that God heard me, and I trusted Him, but often didn't understand WHY He wouldn't just fix our problems. It seemed that overnight finances were more than tight. We had acquired significant debt (where we had been almost completely debt free). And we had more month than money month after month. And on top of all of that, I wasn't well and didn't have the strength to make my way back up. I had climbed the ladder of success for many years and was nearing the top when it all came crashing down. Perhaps you can relate. You're tired and are not up for the climb it will take to get you out of the deep dark hole you're in right now.
Even after all of those prayers... holding on to my faith, and the belief that positive change was just around the corner... I would hear whispers of doubt in my ear. I felt like I was doing all the right things, and I knew that God would see me through. But when? Every time I caught a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel it appeared to be a delusion and all would go dim again. The feeling of hopelessness would come over me and then The Holy Spirit in me would swiftly prompt me to remember God's promises and to keep pressing on with all the belief I could muster. And I did. And during those times I would dream. I took a little time each day to sit in my thinking chair and visualize what our home would look like when things turned around - all restored. I would visualize a healthy mind and a healthy body - all restored. I would visualize life with no worries of finances or how the next major bill would get paid - and on time. Finances restored. Then I would sit on my porch and count my blessings. I would thank God for all of it as if it had all already happened, for His faithfulness, and for his love for me and my family. All of that would have possibly looked to someone on the outside looking in as not just a worthless daydream, but like a laughable pipe dream. However, I knew deep down in my spirit that I was to keep going, growing, and knowing.
So, today it just hit me like a bag full of blessings tossed into my chest, that most all of those daydreams had become a reality.
I love my home and we have enjoyed watching it gradually become restored. There were many things in need of repair and update, and although there are still a few projects left, I felt tears well up in my eyes today as I looked around from room to room. Although I have worked so hard and my muscles are sore, I'm not in pain any more and my body feels strong. My mind is clear and focused and God's plans for me are in motion. And as I kissed John on his way out to put in another full night's work I realized even though life still gets tough - our relationship is stronger than it's ever been.
I am very blessed, but it hasn't always felt that way. I had to look forward and see it and believe it, and keep trusting God's promises for what was to come. My prayer for you now is that you'll look forward too - that you'll take a few minutes each day to see whatever is broken fully restored. I knew that through perseverance in my faith in God, commitment to pushing for the end result, belief that it would all come to fruition in God's time, and having an attitude of gratitude each day as I both worked and waited, is what brought me to the reality I see today. Don't stop daydreaming. Visualize where you want to be and start doing all that's in your power to get you there and depend on God to move the mountains in your way. Your reality can bring tears to your eyes as well - in a great way - a way better than you even dreamed.